Ma olen rääkinud, et ma pole üldse hea EI ütleja. Enamasti ma ei näe põhjust ka ei öelda, no näiteks kui me ennist Mariga poes oleme käinud, siis ma võtan talle suht kõike, mida ta tahab. Ega tal üldiselt muid soove polegi, kui need üllatusmunad. Ma ei ole aru saanud, miks, sest seda šokolaadi ta kunagi ei söö ja need üllatused seal sees on ka suht suvalised, aga no las ta siis saab enda mune. Mõnikord tahab lausa mitut, minu poolest võtku, sest ma kodus panen need ülejäänud nagunii kõrvale nendeks puhkudeks, kui on vaja last ära osta.
Ühesõnaga, kuhu ma jõuda tahan on see, et kui ma Mariga poes olen, siis ta on täiesti harjunud sellega, et ta võib lihtsalt näpuga näidata ja valida, mida ta tahab. Ma mäletan, kui ma väike olin, siis ma unistasin sellisest asjast, aga eiiii, mina pidin kogu aeg kuulma: “Ei, ei võta seda!”. “Pane see šokolaad käest ära!” blaablaablaa. Mõni ime, et kui ma hakkasin ise raha teenima, nägi mu ostukorv alati välja, nagu 12-aastane oleks just taskuraha saanud. Ma tahtsin ju ka kõike valida, mis ma tahan!
Õnneks Mari sellest kuidagi “printsessiks” läinud ei ole. Kui ma ikka ütlen, et seda ei saa, siis ta on nagu .. nojah, ok. Küllap ta on aru saanud, et tal millestki puudu nagunii ei tule ja ei viitsi pröökama hakata. Üldse ma pean tunnistama, et kuigi ma olen Mari hoolega hellitanud, siis ta õnneks tõesti selliseks vastikuks nagamanniks muutunud ei ole. Ta harva jonnib, kui ma ütlen, et ei tohi, siis ta lepib sellega ja üldiselt on selline viisakas inimene. Muidugi väikeste eranditega :D Ja eks ka mina olen ajaga “paremaks” läinud ja enam valimatult päris KÕIKE ka ei luba teha.
Et kui ma Mariga poes olen, siis ma teadlikult ise pean endale meenutama, et Mariann, sa oled täiskasvanud inimene ja sa ei tohi Marile päris kõike ka lubada, sest muidu ta ei väärtusta midagi ja arvab, et elu käibki nii, et saad muudkui, mida tahad. Seega ma vahepeal keelan talle isegi asju, mille kohta ma mõtlen, et no tegelikult on ju suva, ta võiks ju selle võtta, aga no nii täiskasvanuks olemise nimel keelan talle seda. Minust ongi saanud see vastik täiskasvanu, kelle kohta mina ise lapsena mõtlesin, et no jumala eest, raske osta lapsele v :D
Ikka veel ma pole jõudnud sinna, kuhu ma tahan…Vot eile ma käisin poes ja lasin lapsel valid ükskõik, mida ta tahab. Ja tundsin NULL süümekat ja tungi käituda nagu täiskasvanud inimene. Nimelt on Facebookis selline grupp, nagu elumuutvad abistajad. Ma ei mäleta absoluutselt, kuidas ma selle grupi leidsin, aga mõnda aega olen ma seal olnud ja suht kasutu olnud. Üleeile aga märkasin, et Tallinnas palub kahe lapse ema toiduabi. Pikemalt mõtlemata palusin adminnilt kontakti ja võtsin neiuga ühendust, et teda toidupoodi viia.
Eile, kahe pildistamise vahel, saingi ma temaga kokku. Noor tüdruk, 21-aastane, kahe lapsega, kes minu laste vanused! Vanem tütar oli eriti jutukas ja armas, seega jäi ema vankriga väiksemat lükkama, mina panin preili poekärusse ja lasin tal lihtsalt näidata kõike, mida ta tahab. Ausalt, te oleksite pidanud ta nägu nägema, kui ta aru sai, et ta võib võtta ükskõik mida. Minu Mari on selle koha pealt tuim nagu kivi, aga selle tüdruku silmad särasid ja ta oli niiiiii õnnelik, kui ta mulle dikteeris: “Õuna, apelsini, roosat kala, MUNA!”. Jeesus, mis on lastel nende munadega…
Igatahes jah, ei ole just tervisliku toidu etalon ja hirmus palju sai magusat kraami, aga küllap ema selle kõrvale paneb ja jaopärast kätte annab. Ma kujutan ette, et lapsele oli juba pool rõõmu seda poest valida ja päriselt ise ostukorvi asetada ka. Kuivaineid ja natukene lihalisi soetas neiule üks teine abipakkuja, seega võib öelda, et neil peaks nüüd jupp aega muretu olema.
Aa, poes oli üks moment, kus ma mõtlesin, et omg… ma sureeen! Nimelt, kui see väike tirts jälle millelegi magusale osutas, siis ma rääkisin: “Okei, võtame, aga kodus pead ilusti soolasest kõhu täis sööma ja alles siis tohib magusat peale süüa, eks?”. “Aga meil ei ole kodus eriti midagi soolast ju!” vastas ta mulle rõõmsalt, umbes nagu jah, väga hea, saabki kiiremini magusa kallale asuda. Aga no… niiii kahju!
Tegelikult saab see ema lastega iga kuu hakkama, ta nimelt pakub Tallinnas lapsehoiuteenust ja teenib nipet-näpet juurde, aga sel kuul polnud eriti tööotsi pakkuda ja nõnda juhtuski, et tal oli abi vaja. Muuseas, ainuke, mida ta tegelikult palus, oli paar pakki kuivaineid, et kuu üle elada.
No ja loomulikult tuleb vastata küsimusele, et kust raha sain selliseks arutuks priiskamisest. 50€ sellest arvest tasus muuseas minu klient, kes perega pildistamas käis. Sattusime pereisaga abistamise teemal jutustama ja ma rääkisin talle, et peale nende pildisamist lähen ühele väiksele perele süüa ostma. Selle peale jättis pereisa 50€ ja ütles, et ma seda ka kellegi abistamiseks kasutaksin. See oli lihtsalt niii armas, sest enamasti on inimesed usinad kahtlustama ja süüdistama ja mölisema, aga et keegi päriselt aitaks, seda on vähe. Mul läks kohe süda nii soojaks.
Selle pika heietuse lõpuks tahan ma teile meenutada, et kõik teie, kellel on arved makstud ja toit laual, peaksite väga õnnelikud olema. Mul on lausa nadi tunne mõelda, et elan siin oma tavapärast elu ja samal ajal on kuskil peresid, kes päriselt muretsevad, mida lastele homme toidulauale panna. Ma tean, et selliseid peresid on kahjuks palju ja ega ei saagi kõiki alati aidata, aga kui vähegi võimalik, palun ma silmad lahti hoida ja aidata neid, keda saame. Ühest küljest on nii hea tunne ja teisest küljest tegelikult tekib selline ahastus ka, et no… mida maailma…Tekib lausa süümekas, et mis õigusega mina niimoodi elan, kui teised peavad laste kõhutäite üle muretsema.
Ah, ega ma muud ei saagi vist teha, kui võimaluse korral kedagi aidata ja lihtsalt proovida normaalne inimene olla, kes hädalisele selga ei keera. Olge teie ka sellised, siis me elame varsti juba üli mõnusas maailmas.
I have told you before how I am terrible at saying NO. Mostly I just don’t see a reason to say no, for example when I have taken Mari to the store I let her take whatever she wants. She mostly only wants the Kinder Surprise eggs. I have not figured out why, because she doesn’t like the chocolate and the surprises inside are so random, but well let her have her eggs. Sometimes she wants multiple and I let her, because when we get home I put the rest aside for when I need to bribe her.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that Mari is used to being able to point and choose what she wants when we are in the store. I remember when I was little and I was dreaming of that, but nooooo, I had to hear “no, you can’t have that” or “Put that chocolate down” bla-bla-bla. No wonder my shopping cart always looked like I was a 12-year-old spending her allowance ever since I started making my own money. I wanted to choose whatever I desired now!
Luckily Mari has not turned into a “princess”. When I do say No to something, she’s like, oh, OK. I think she had figured out that there isn’t a shortage of anything and doesn’t bother to cause a scene I do have to admit, that although I have spoiled that girl rotten she has not turned into a massive douche baby. She rarely has tantrums, when I tell her she can’t do something she accepts it and she’s an overall decent person. With small exceptions, of course :D And I guess I have gotten “better” with time as well and I don’t allow her EVERYTHING.
When I am in a store with Mari I have to consciously remind myself – Mariann you are a grown person and cannot allow Mari everything, because otherwise she will not appreciate anything and thinks life has to always go her way. So sometimes I do say no to her even on things I think it wouldn’t matter, but for the sake of being an adult I say no. I have become that nasty adult I used to see and think – dear god, is it really so difficult to buy that for your child :D
And I still haven’t gotten to my point.. So yesterday I was at the store and let the child pick whatever she wanted. And I felt ZERO regrets or urge to behave like an adult. There is this groups called “Elumuutvad Abistajad” (life changing helpers) in Facebook. I cannot recall how I found that groups, but anyway I have been a useless member there for a while now. The day before yesterday I noticed a post where a single mom of 2 is in need to groceries in Tallinn. Without a second thought I got her contact and invited her to the store with me.
Yesterday, between two shoots I met up with her. I young girl, only 21, with two kinds who are the same age as my children! The older girl was very chatty and sweet, so the mom stayed behind to take care of the little one and I took the bigger girl to the store with me. I put her in the cart and told her she can have anything she wants. Honestly you should’ve seen her face when she realized I really meant she could have anything. My Mari doesn’t move a muscle to that, but this little girl’s eyes lit up and she was soooo happy while dictating “Apple, orange, pink fish, EGG!” Jesus, what is it with kids and those eggs…
Anyway, I know it’s not the healthiest things in the world and there was a lot of sweets in there, but I am sure mom will put it aside and distribute with care. I think half the child’s joy was picking everything out and putting it in the cart. The mom got rice and macaroni and meats from another helper, so I believe they shouldn’t have any worries for a while now.
Oh and there was a moment in the store, where I thought I was going to die. So the girls was pointing to another sweet thing and I told her that OK, we can take it, but when you get home you first have to fill up on savory things and then you can have candy, OK? “but we don’t have anything savory to eat at home” was her response with such joy, that she can now have the sweets quicker. But that was just sooooo Sad!
Usually the mom can take good care of her kids, because she offers babysitting services and makes some extra here and there, but this month there haven’t been a lot of jobs and so she was asking for help this month. y the way, the only thing she asked for was a couple of packs of rice and macaroni to survive the month.
And of course I have to answer the age old questions of where I got the money for such reckless spending. 50.00€ of this bill was paid by my client who came to a photoshoot with her kids. Me and the dad got to talking about helping people and I mentioned that after their shoot I am going to but some food for a small family. The dad handed me 50 € and said that I should you that to help someone. It was just so sweet, because usually people are suspecting and accuse people and just ramble on, but to have someone actually help, there isn’t a lot of that. It makes my heart warm.
In conclusion after this long ramble, I would like to remind everyone whose bills are paid and you have food on the table – be grateful. I feel so bad, because I live my normal life while there are families out there, who actually have to worry about what they can find to put on the table tomorrow. I know that sadly there are a lot of families like that and you can’t always help everyone, but if you can, please keep your eyes open and help the ones you can. On one side it makes you feel good, but on the other it causes distress like, wtf world, it’s even causes remose, because what right I have to live like this while others have to worry about their kids’ tummies being full.
But I guess there isn’t much more to do than help if you can and just try and be a decent human being and not to turn your back to someone in need. And if you are like that too, then in no time we will be living in a super fine world.